A mental health journal: day 29

Where were you at 4.30pm GMT on Saturday 7 November 2020?

I was at home (obviously) hanging up washing (ditto) when the news broke; within minutes, my social media feeds had filled with clips of people dancing in the streets and opening bottles of bubbly. Like millions of others, I went a little blurry at the sight of CNN host Van Jones breaking down in tears. It was only then that I realised how draining the last four days had been.

I had followed the US election with interest, but without much hope. Not in 2020. And I had too many concerns at home to worry about a political battle happening thousands of miles away. Or so I thought.

Last week was rough. I felt twitchy and irritable, my anxiety skyrocketing, so beset by shivers and aches that I repeatedly took my temperature. Both my wife and I were unaccountably exhausted by mid-afternoon each day, our daughter reflecting our moods in sulks and tantrums.

But on Saturday evening some of the weight lifted, taking with it a chunk of the anxiety and exhaustion. We have some genuinely good news at last. There are mountains still to climb, but the world feels like a better place today - buoyed by the encouraging news of a covid-19 vaccine. 

This is a special week in our household. On 11 November 2000, I attended a family wedding which changed my life. I met a rather lovely woman, flung her around a cèilidh dancefloor without injuring her (much) and 7303 days later, here we are. Without that chance event, I wouldn't be here to type these words. Simple as that.

In a parallel universe, I've probably been talked into throwing a party to celebrate our second decade together. But in this one, food and drink will do just fine. Our wine rack is groaning with excellent bottles delivered by the brilliant Wine Utopia - supporting local business has never been so easy. I've been tasked with choosing and sourcing the food for our mini-celebration. It's a tough job... I was thinking along the lines of Côte at Home but am open to recommendations.

The dread ball is smaller today. I worry chiefly about my daughter, who faces the biggest challenges of her life - physical, mental, emotional - on a daily basis. She's so strong, but still so little. I can't protect her from everything, which is a mantra I repeat regularly but can't yet fully accept.

I hope everyone is finding ways to fight off the lockdown blues. For us, it's exercise in all weathers (brag: I ran/staggered 6km in the pouring rain today), Bake Off, Strictly, The Repair Shop, Brooklyn Nine-Nine reruns, Duplo, Play-Doh, lots of good food and drink. We're trying to make little plans, things to look forward to; trying, also, to focus on what we can control and shut out what we can't.

It helps that many millions of people are happier and more hopeful than they were this time last week. Long may that continue.